What is and what is not therapy?

First I need to tell you what therapy is not. It is not a quick fix to your relationship or to your personal growth. Too many people come to therapy thinking that they will get some great advise and then work on that advice for while themselves. Therapy doesn’t work like that. Therapists don’t give advise. They don’t tell you how to live your life or what to do. Therapy might be clarity at some point in time that tells you what to do. But there is a process in therapy that cannot be avoided for instant gratification. There is a period of time where the client learns to “trust” the therapist. Depending on if you are “slow to warm” or you trust quickly, will depend on this part of the process. During that process, the therapist must seek information about the client: past history, relationship history, sex history, family history and so on. A therapist cannot help with accurate information unless she/he has a lot of information. So the two processes that happen first are trust and information. If the therapist is good, she/he will be able to start immediately with some first aide measures and homework that will be immediately evident. However the real work cannot start until the first process is well underway. So if you seek therapy, make sure you can afford the long haul, you can commit to the time to go weekly and you can trust the process.

Communications in Relationships

Some people think that if words are coming out of their mouths, they are communicating.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  85% of communication is non-verbal.  And the 15% that is verbal must be learned and carefully executed to be good communication.  Listening skills are also a part of good communication.  Knowing how to… Continue Reading

Sex Toys

Sexual aides, more commonly known as sex toys, have been as much under wraps as talking about sex has been since their creation.  But the original inventors of sex toys, vibrators in particular, were doctors!  It is true.  In the 1800’s the doctors were filling their waiting rooms with women who had ailments that were… Continue Reading

Sex: A complex subject

A common assumption for most people is that sex is a natural act that doesn’t take effort or knowledge.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Sex for procreation is a simple process: tab A into slot B.  But for every other aspect of sex, it must be learned.  There are four reason for having… Continue Reading

Sex is a Funny Thing

Sex can bring people together and it can tear them apart. It can make them feel closer and it can cause distance. It can make a person happy and it can make them cry. In recent years, it is said that if couples have more sex that it can bring a stronger sense of connection.… Continue Reading

Sex: Desire for her, frequency for him

Men usually have one main complaint about sex and that is that it doesn’t happen often enough.  Their second complaint will be covered in a different blog entry.  Women, on the other hand, complain more about not desiring sex very often.  And to complicate matters even more is the fact that in the beginning of… Continue Reading

Instantly improve your relationship

One of the most damaging culprits to a relationship, causing continual bitterness and building resentment, is bringing up past events.  It can cause days and weeks, even months if not years, of continual pain to both partners.  It’s like a bad movie playing over and over again in your mind and creeping into every argument… Continue Reading

Judge and Jury

Relationship therapy is not about determining who is right and who is wrong as many people start out assuming. It is more a process that looks for the underlying feelings and dynamics that makes the issue emotional and volatile. An understanding, if you will, of why the argument or situation continues to happen over and… Continue Reading

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Providing Individual Counseling, Couples Counseling, Sex Therapy and Family Counseling in Temecula.