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Sex: Desire for her, frequency for him

Men usually have one main complaint about sex and that is that it doesn’t happen often enough. Their second complaint will be covered in a different blog entry. Women, on the other hand, complain more about not desiring sex very often. And to complicate matters even more is the fact that in the beginning of the relationship, sex happened often enough for both parties. No wonder couples think that something is wrong. And it is!

But not in the way one might think. Usually one of the partners will blame the other for the problem. The truth of the matter is that both people play a part in the problem. Understanding the difference in the female psyche to the male psyche, when it comes to sex, is the one area to be looked at. Gender differences have been largely ignored for hundreds if not thousands of years. Both men and women have unrealistic expectations, of themselves and their partner. This causes resentment toward the other, disappointment and finally discouragement toward the act of making love itself. Stuck in frustration causes adult temper tantrums and further withdrawal from intimacy in every day relations.

If this is happening to you, it is imperative to get professional help from a qualified and legitimate sex therapist. The situation can be corrected with understanding and a few changes in expectation. In the very first session, relief from the pressure of sexual frustration can be attained. There is hope.

Instantly improve your relationship

One of the most damaging culprits to a relationship, causing continual bitterness and building resentment, is bringing up past events. It can cause days and weeks, even months if not years, of continual pain to both partners. It’s like a bad movie playing over and over again in your mind and creeping into every argument (especially ones you feel like you are losing).

Why does this keep happening? This phenomenon is primarily due to poor communications and unresolved feelings. When a couple uses poor communications and are not, therefore, able to resolve issues as they happen, the negative feeling stays with one or both partners and reappears in the next unsettling moment between the two of them. The problem is then a “Catch 22” since it is brought up again, and again it is unresolved, because the couple does not have conflict resolution skills to get through their problem solving process.

What you can do to get off the “past events” pain carousel is to make a pact that if an argument or an event goes unresolved, put it where it belongs, in the past. You really have no choice. Can you go back and change anything? NO!!! Bringing up the past only causes guilt. Of course, if that is what you want for your loved one, then by all means, continue the bad behavior. If not, then stop blaming the other for the problem, since it takes two to tango, and put it in the past until you get help with your communication and conflict resolution skills.

Leaving the past in the past can instantly improve your relationship. It can stop the cycle of verbal violence that keeps you stuck and unable to feel the connection necessary for intimacy and love. You will be surprised at the relief you feel from this burdensome pattern of poorly relating to one another.

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